FE babble

[scarletmorning]

I've already finished the entry for the next contest. :D It still needs editing but apart from that everything's fine. Mostly.

I'm already thinking about the special contest; the Mary Sue/ Gary Stu one. I think I do want to write some kind of parody. I mean, most of the time the Mary Sues are ridiculous and cause ridiculous events. And it would be great to write a completely weird, obnoxious and self-centered Mary Sue who meets canon characters. CANON characters who, you know, act like they do in the game. And not praise and kiss the ground the Mary Sue is walking on. Buuuuuuuut. I am not completely in the mood to write something like that. Secondly, I probably would choose the Tactician-thingie and would have to play FE7 again although I just downloaded Yggdra Union 2 and only want to play that. And thirdly, I absolutely can not write weird, obnoxious and self-centered characters. I already have problems with rather weird characters as L'Arachel and Serra (and I am not saying that they're Mary Sues. They're just.... strenuous to write). Then how can I write such a Mary Sue? I think I could manage a Anti-Sue but that would not fit the idea and is boooooring. Fortunately, I still have plenty of time. :D

And before I forget it; the Lyon one-shot is almost finished. There are still some difficulties with the wording and stuff (I can no longer write in English properly DD: ) Maybe someone can help me with this sentence:

Does "But he would not go before he heard his promise." really mean that he will wait until he [Lyon] said his promise? Because it confuses meeee D: . In German you could use two variants to express this and it confuses me. (And is the tense right? God, the more I look at it, the more insecure I get.)

Comments

[wolfraven80.livejournal.com]

"But he would not go before he heard his promise."

Yeah the pronouns in that sentence are confusing. You would need to replace some of them with names to clarify or to restructure the sentence somehow. Don't be too hard on yourself, though; sentences like that can trip up even native speakers. It's much easier to write scenes between people of opposite genders since one doesn't run into that.

I would need to see more of the context though to be able to make suggestions. You can post more or PM me if you'd like though. I'd be happy to help if I can.

I do understand how difficult it is to write in a second language and I think you're very brave to do so. I don't even like to try writing in French anymore even though I've known the language all my life. It frustrates me to write when I know full well that I'll make mistakes or, at the very least, be inelegant. So I think people who do make the effort are doing something pretty amazing.

[crimsonmorgan.livejournal.com]

"After a moment Vigarde could calm down. "Lyon." he began anew but after only the one word he already had to stop again. Lyon bit his lip hard and watched his father through tear-clouded eyes. "Promise me." he eventually choked out and looked his son directly in the eye. It was obvious that this was his end, his last minutes, but he would not go before he heard the promise from his son."

Is that enough context? And is a construction with "before he had not heard" possible or does that make no sense? I don't know why this sentence is so cumbersome.

[wolfraven80.livejournal.com]

but he would not go before he heard the promise from his son.

That reads very well now and makes perfect sense in that context.

And is a construction with "before he had not heard" possible or does that make no sense?

The sentence in the first quote: "he would not go before he heard the promise from his son" makes perfect sense. But yeah "before he had not heard" wouldn't make sense due to the "not."

Oh and one little thing:

"Lyon." he began anew.

With dialogue attribution -- anything like "he said," "she shouted," etc. -- there should be a comma instead of a period since the sentence doesn't actually end until you reach "already had to stop again."

So you'd have something like this: "Hello," he said, waving, "I see you brought some friends."

I hope that made sense. I'm a little distracted tonight, I'm afraid. ;D

[crimsonmorgan.livejournal.com]

Ah, thank goodness I asked. :D Thank you~

Ah, yes. I always forget things like that or just avoid such constructions. Somehow, I don't like packing speaking tags in the middle of the sentence.

It makes all sense :D Seth thanks you as well~